Found Poem: Advice on Buying Jeans

Advice on Buying Jeans

I am talking to a friend and she says to me:
 
Well.
Women’s sizes and cuts both are voodoo so I feel your pain.
I mean I don’t even know.
And then she said, as if picking up the offending garment:
So here is a size 28.
That should match to about a size 8 in H&M…
Which is approximately a 6 1/2 in Gap but…
Perhaps a 10 depending on Gap’s mood today.
It’s quite rainy, so perhaps a 9 1/2 in Angry TJ Maxx Language.
Also by size 28 we mean 19.75, good day.

My life.
She says
Every store, literally everywhere I turn
It’s The Worst.

[A deep breath]

Odd numbered sizes don’t usually exist, except in juniors
and sometimes when H&M is feeling a bit bored.
Also depending on the alignment of the stars.

I tell her I usually fall between a 6 and 10.

I think you mean 0 to 18
She says
Because women’s sizes are straight-up nonsense.
You have to hunt at the right time of season.
She offers.
 Now it’s the ‘Summer Fashion All of The Money Time’
I’ve decided to kinda go with Gap sale when I have money
And/or need retail therapy.
Otherwise I can’t.

[A moment’s consideration]

I also have decided to lay off the denim.
At least for a bit.

[a shake of her head]

Jeans are always like-
Too small for your calves
Too big for your ankles
Just right for your thighs
Too small for your hips
Too big for your waist.

And also none of these and all of these at once.
Depending, of course, on star alignment and cloud density on
the 18th of June, 1975.

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Found Poem: The Last Great Adventure

My friend composed this found poem from the cover copy of books on a shelf in the corner of her living room. I love it. Hurray for the writers of epic sci-fi/fantasy back-cover blurbs. Now someone should write the novel that this is the back matter for…(ahem…for which this is the back matter).

The Last Great Adventure

No frills
no nonsense,
Just a divided world–
wealthy citizens,
urban poor–
And
six turbulent months.

Put the pieces back together,
Cordelia,
King of endless caverns,
eagly crags.
Night after restless night–
anguish and triumph,
magic and iron–
the art of war
shattered
by violence.

This is the story of
a people defeated,
the burden of hope
shimmering
during the last peaceful days
of the planet.

Led by the future,
she left behind
one hundred souls.

More accidental poetry

My friend found this one and I’ve lifted it from her blog, literaryshoptalk, to share with you. It’s from a resume she was reviewing in her new, not-quite-so-literary job.

Describe the Lathe.

Identify the parts of the Engine Lathe and its role.

Describe the importance of a lathe setup and the principle operations of

Straight and Taper:

turning, facing, boring, threading, grooving, knurling, and form cutting.

Describe the common measuring rules,

How they are adjusted and the

Proper way they are used.

Describe how to read a part drawing and its tolerances.

Instill, every day,

Shop Safety to every student.